What are mothers for?

Sometimes A lot of times I feel I am the self appointed 'worrier' of the family.  It's funny how, when I look back, I see that ever since I had a baby, I have spent atleast 62% (if not more) of my time worrying about one thing or the other. Another 20% can be accounted for by sleepless nights.  Then there's the 14.75 % for guilt and the remaining 3.25% is reserved for the joys of motherhood.

I am assuming that's the case with most mothers. And if it's not, I don't want to know because that will only make this lop-sided ratio even more lop-sided. At this time, I cannot afford to allot more than 62% to the Department of Worrying!


As of now all I care about is the 14.75% being wasted on Guilt. Since I cannot do anything about the worry (that's the side-effect of mommyhood) or the sleeplessness (mother nature just made me that way), I figured I might as well work on the guilt. Especially with it being so very irrational and annoying.  Not that I am a very rational person. But this is too much even by my standards!  For example, the other day, long long ago, Mr. M had had a long day at work and was very tired when he got home. Minime wanted him to read her a story.  But, he said no. She came to me next. I was cleaning the kitchen and I was dead tired too. Afterall, I had been working all day. Granted that I was doing menial household stuff but that doesn't make it any less tiring. And to top it off, I am the one whose day starts at 5 a.m.  So, I said no too and then spent the next two or so hours tossing and turning. If you notice (coz I just did) I am feeling guilty right now for having said no to Minime two months ago and hence this whole post trying to justify what I did. On the other hand, a few minutes after the whole 'no-no' episode, what do I see?  Minime is fast asleep, as if she couldn't care less about the story.  And her dear daddy is snoring away to glory. This was in less than five minutes. And here I was almost in tears from the guilt.  I went and checked on her atleast 3-4 times through the rest of the night. I imagined her sobbing with her face buried in her big stuffed doggie (she does that sometimes...I am not a psycho, I swear!). I imagined her talking herself to sleep. I imagined her every possible way except fast asleep. 


And now, I am convinced beyond doubt that the guilt comes with the territory too. I am stuck and for life!    

Boy Oh Boy!

Sometimes, very rarely though, I do feel sorry for boys.  Think about it... As blessed as they might be for having us girls around, sometimes it can be challenging dealing with us.  However, the one thing I realise is that the problem is always the same. Guys just aren't smart enough to figure us out.  And we don't do much to help them out either. They want everything spelt out. They want to be spoon-fed.  We, on the other hand, like it to be a little more fun.  We want them to figure us out. We want them to know instinctively, without us having to tell them, what we want. But, somehow, they never do.

A few weeks ago minime was playing with her kid cousin brother.  Without an inkling of as to why, minime started crying with so much sadness on her face, it worried us for a split-second. Then we saw how lost the little boy looked and we knew exactly what was happening. He had no clue why she was crying. He sincerely believed that he had been at his best behaviour. He waited patiently for the storm to pass. 15 minutes later minime was still mad. None of us knew why. He was pretty sure it had something to do with him but he didn't know what.  She wasn't talking. Not to him. Not to any of us.  5 more minutes passed and she comes and tells me she's angry. "At whom?", I ask. "At myself!", she says. "Why?" "Because I don't have any small toys to play with. I don't want big toys and Aadhi has all the small ones!" (that was poor little Aadhi being a good boy and giving up the big toys for her). "Did you ask him for the small toys?". "No!", she said scoffing at the absurdity of the question.  " Doesn't he know?"  And that is when I realised how unreasonable we can sometimes be.  Not that that realisation is going to bring about any drastic changes in our lives, but at least I admitted that I realised that we can occasionally be unreasonable. Lucky Mr. M!!

S-p-e-l-l-i-n-g-s and S-e-c-r-e-t C-o-d-e-s

What is it with grown-ups and secret codes? We have kids and before we know it we are speaking in code and spelling words out. In no time at all it becomes a habit and then a compulsion. And one day we catch ourselves doing it even on our date night! This whole spelling-thing goes on for years beyond what's needed. Even with everyday not-grown-up-only words like m-i-l-k and c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e and m-o-v-i-e until one day we come to the realisation that it has stopped working. In fact it stopped working eons ago. And then we are forced to wonder why we didn't notice. Not even when he said," Do you want c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e?" and a very happy chirpy voice chimed from the back seat,"Yes!".  How did we miss that? And what's more? We actually thought we could get away with speaking in a different language! Hadn't we read in all of the 2963 books that kids pick up languages in no time at all?

The sooner parents learn one lesson, the easier life will get for them. Code languages and signs simply do not work.  A new language, hand gestures, foot gestures, eye movements, hanging upside down, jumping off of the rooftop...none of that will help you keep a secret from a child.  Kids are intelligent. They have a b-r-a-i-n and in top working condition.  In many cases, way better than ours. Sooner or later they catch up. So, now, we are trying to learn to respect minime's intelligence and more importantly trying not to make fools of ourselves.