Not a homemaker or a full-time mom but the good old housewife. I stay at home and do what my grandma and my mom did and I don't feel the need to justify my choice with euphemisms. No, I do not feel less than other women who work. I do not feel greater than them either. Only blessed for not having the compulsion to prove my worth through the bucks I make. Over the 6 years of my married life, I have heard umpteen reasons why I should work. It will give you Independence (from what?), you will not feel worthless (I don't anyway), you will get to make friends (I still can), every woman should have a job (and that would be because...??), it feels good to have your own money (I'm married and hence there will never be any 'my' money), your kids will feel proud of you (so, your job is directly proportionate to how much your kids love you? really? hmmm...interesting!!), you will not lose your individuality (you really ought to look up the meaning of that word in the dictionary if you think it has anything to do with a job...), you will be respected more if you have a job and are financially independent (again, don't agree. I know well educated working women ill-treated by their family and believe it or not, they put up with it), how can you live off your husband's money (now you gotta be kidding me!!)
Interestingly enough, never has a woman ever told me that she works because she likes to. Because she wants to. Just for the heck of it. Not for the independence , not for the money, not for the 'respect', not to fit in, but just like that.
And that's what I want. To work for the heck of it. Like travelling around the world. Or going camel back through the desert. Or, being a housewife. Or watching your kids grow. Or painting. Each of these rides will sure be bumpy and there will be times when you wonder why. But you go on because you want to. Not because you have to.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The Big Girl!
My little girlie is as desperate as can be. For what? To be a big girl :) I was too, at some point in my life and now I am a big girl with responsibilities of a family weighing me down. I am a big girl and I am stressed and anxious and depressed from time to time. Definitely not what I had in mind when I wished for 'big girl'. And now I know why they keep telling you be careful what you wish for!
Now I see my grandma who stopped keeping track of her age long before we could start keeping track of it. Now no one knows how old she is but her children seem to agree on something close to 90. I watch her and I see not much difference between her and my 3 year old girl. They both talk to themselves. They both make up stories, one being imaginative in doing so and the other hallucinative. Both of them cannot fathom the concept of time. For them there's now, yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday could be anytime from the moment they were born up until now. And tomorrow is anytime after now to eternity. They both bump into things because they are too distracted to see where they are going.
And now I wonder why we so desperately wish to grow up just to go a full circle and meet our end right where we started off but alone !
Now I see my grandma who stopped keeping track of her age long before we could start keeping track of it. Now no one knows how old she is but her children seem to agree on something close to 90. I watch her and I see not much difference between her and my 3 year old girl. They both talk to themselves. They both make up stories, one being imaginative in doing so and the other hallucinative. Both of them cannot fathom the concept of time. For them there's now, yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday could be anytime from the moment they were born up until now. And tomorrow is anytime after now to eternity. They both bump into things because they are too distracted to see where they are going.
And now I wonder why we so desperately wish to grow up just to go a full circle and meet our end right where we started off but alone !
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Pain.......
Today I learnt what pain is. The kind that made me wish that someone had ripped my heart out instead. My little girl was hurt today. Nothing big. Just an 'owiee' that kids get all the time. She fell from the bed and bumped her head hard enough to need two stitches. Most important lesson learnt: 'monkey jumping on the bed' song means nothing to kids. So, getting back to the point, I had to take her to the hospital and they stitched her up under local anaesthesia. Agreed that she would have felt no pain after the anaesthesia but she cried and screamed and writhed nevertheless more out of fear than pain and my heart bled. I felt helpless about not being able to do anything to ease her anxiety and pain and fear. I felt like I was less than I should be.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not the kind of mommy who wouldn't let my daughter take any risks. In fact I think all the little owiees in life will just make my girl better prepared to face the world. And strangely enough, my daughter has always been the most cautious child I have ever seen. It broke my heart to think that the first time in her life that she actually acted like a child, she was punished in a rather painful way. I just wish she would get over this fear soon and be a child again.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not the kind of mommy who wouldn't let my daughter take any risks. In fact I think all the little owiees in life will just make my girl better prepared to face the world. And strangely enough, my daughter has always been the most cautious child I have ever seen. It broke my heart to think that the first time in her life that she actually acted like a child, she was punished in a rather painful way. I just wish she would get over this fear soon and be a child again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)