Remember the time when you were told that having kids would change your life? I read somewhere that that statement has been awarded the 'Understatement of a Lifetime Award'. Oh wait! Or is it just that I have been thinking it so much that I have started seeing it written everywhere. Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me. But I sure know that there ought to be such an award and that thing about kids and how they 'CHANGE' your lives surely is the most deserving canditate.
Change your life indeed! I think all those people were just being kind to this poor round fat clumsy woman with swollen ankles and constant backpain that was me. Nobody wants to scare a poor pregnant woman out of her wits. It's not like they can tell you at your most miserable state that it's about to get so much worse that pregnancy will seem like heaven to you.
And I anyway believe that change is a very broad term. For example, it's a 'change' if majority of the books on your library hold list have the word 'kids' or 'babies' in the title. It is also a 'change' if you are talking to your child in the car when in reality you are driving all alone. It's a 'change' if you drive with your windows rolled down in the peak of winter just to remind yourself that you are indeed alone in the car! A 'change' is also when you instinctively pick up the booster seat at the movies when the only people you are with are all adults. A 'change' is also when the first thing you worry about when you wake up is breakfast for the little one and the last thing you worry about before bedtime is breakfast for the little one. Also, hearing a war cry first thing in the morning and last thing at night might fall under this category. It's 'change' if you are suddenly feeling guilty about going on a romantic dinner date with the man you loved enough to marry. I know! Tell me about THAT! Now 'that' is material enough for another million and a half blog posts, don't you think?
Anyway, the point is that maybe, just maybe, what people actually meant is that kids take control of your life rather than change it. They dictate where you go, what you do, when you eat, when you sleep, how much you eat, how much you sleep, what you say, who you meet, what you cook, when you brush your teeth, when you take a bath... I am stopping here only to be polite to you and to keep my poor little post from getting an R rating!!!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Global Positioning System...
Oh Please, get serious people!! What is this thing supposed to do anyway? Show you the way? Maybe I should come back another day to finish this blogpost when I get out of the hospital after having my sides sewn because as of now they sure are splitting!
And, could somebody please tell me why I let Mr. M con me into letting him buy this thing? It wasn't enough that we were willing to kill each other over my 'stuff' and his 'junk', we had to go and add her to the mix. Yeah! It's a 'she' and I think the only reason we still put up with her is because she has enslaved Mr. M by the way she says 'destination'. I can say a lot of words and I can say them pretty well. How come none of those have that kind of effect on him? And all she does is say, "arriving at destination " after I have done all the navigation!
The other day, Ka wasn't well and we were desperately trying to find a pharmacy close to our home. So, after arguing for at least 15 minutes as to where the closest pharmacy was, Mr. M decided to shush me and ask 'her'. It's anybody's guess on how annoyed I was. As his luck would have it (and much to my delight!), his lady beloved spent what seemed like an eon aquiring satellites :D After she finally got what she wanted, she started to give directions. And it's funny coz the first 'pharmacy' that she took us to was an open ground with nothing there. From there she then took us on a mini world tour before she got us to the pharmacy I suggested at the very start. But some people never learn their lesson. On our way out, Mr. M did it again. And so did she :) Finally she made up her mind and decided on a left turn. Her wish is his command. So, he risked our lives to take that left. A cop could have scraped our remains off of the road and booked us for reckless driving if not for the alignment of my stars and planets. And after all this movie style driving just to humour her, what does she do in return? She recalculates and she takes us on another mini world tour (in the other direction this time) before Mr. M begs for forgiveness and asks me to navigate. What could I do? I am a mother and I had to give in for the sake of my child.
But there's always a next time. And the next time I will surely avenge him. Maybe I will let her take him to the Indian restaurant in New Mexico instead of the one on 140th Ave NE ;)
And, could somebody please tell me why I let Mr. M con me into letting him buy this thing? It wasn't enough that we were willing to kill each other over my 'stuff' and his 'junk', we had to go and add her to the mix. Yeah! It's a 'she' and I think the only reason we still put up with her is because she has enslaved Mr. M by the way she says 'destination'. I can say a lot of words and I can say them pretty well. How come none of those have that kind of effect on him? And all she does is say, "arriving at destination " after I have done all the navigation!
The other day, Ka wasn't well and we were desperately trying to find a pharmacy close to our home. So, after arguing for at least 15 minutes as to where the closest pharmacy was, Mr. M decided to shush me and ask 'her'. It's anybody's guess on how annoyed I was. As his luck would have it (and much to my delight!), his lady beloved spent what seemed like an eon aquiring satellites :D After she finally got what she wanted, she started to give directions. And it's funny coz the first 'pharmacy' that she took us to was an open ground with nothing there. From there she then took us on a mini world tour before she got us to the pharmacy I suggested at the very start. But some people never learn their lesson. On our way out, Mr. M did it again. And so did she :) Finally she made up her mind and decided on a left turn. Her wish is his command. So, he risked our lives to take that left. A cop could have scraped our remains off of the road and booked us for reckless driving if not for the alignment of my stars and planets. And after all this movie style driving just to humour her, what does she do in return? She recalculates and she takes us on another mini world tour (in the other direction this time) before Mr. M begs for forgiveness and asks me to navigate. What could I do? I am a mother and I had to give in for the sake of my child.
But there's always a next time. And the next time I will surely avenge him. Maybe I will let her take him to the Indian restaurant in New Mexico instead of the one on 140th Ave NE ;)
Friday, November 20, 2009
War and Peace
Picture this for this is perfect. A hot shower. A foot massage with fragrant lavender foot cream. Starwberry body butter. A wonderful night's sleep, peaceful and dreamless (now that's a rarity!). A warm moist kiss on the forehead and a soft whisper, so soft it feels like the flutter of an angel's wings, and then a delicate hug that wakes me up ever so gently at the break of dawn. Yes, that's how my daughter wakes me up in the morning. What could be more beautiful? What could be more perfect than to see a beautiful angel face with big beautiful eyes staring back at you when you wake up? I feel like I am in heaven...
But... There's always that 'but', isn't there? Ready to pop up at every turn in the road. At the drop of a hat. Now, that little guy can't let things be and leave us alone can he? (sigh!) Anyway, now that Mr. But has decided to show his face, let's not ignore him. Let's start off where we left off...But...I am in for a big surprise! Heaven huh?!? Sure!! Sure as hell!! I have been making a note of this and am now pretty sure that the transformation happens the very second I think 'heaven'. I can almost hear the war cry in sync with the voice in my head saying the word 'heaven'. And from that point on we are at war. There's a war about eating candy and brushing teeth and drinking milk and eating and bathing and getting dressed and packing lunch and wearing socks and wearing shoes and getting to the car and being first in everything we do and so on...
Call me crazy but come to think of it, I would fight the battle a million times because it always always ends in a goodnight kiss and a visit from the angel at the break of dawn :)
But... There's always that 'but', isn't there? Ready to pop up at every turn in the road. At the drop of a hat. Now, that little guy can't let things be and leave us alone can he? (sigh!) Anyway, now that Mr. But has decided to show his face, let's not ignore him. Let's start off where we left off...But...I am in for a big surprise! Heaven huh?!? Sure!! Sure as hell!! I have been making a note of this and am now pretty sure that the transformation happens the very second I think 'heaven'. I can almost hear the war cry in sync with the voice in my head saying the word 'heaven'. And from that point on we are at war. There's a war about eating candy and brushing teeth and drinking milk and eating and bathing and getting dressed and packing lunch and wearing socks and wearing shoes and getting to the car and being first in everything we do and so on...
Call me crazy but come to think of it, I would fight the battle a million times because it always always ends in a goodnight kiss and a visit from the angel at the break of dawn :)
Friday, November 6, 2009
Why a mother's job is the toughest...
I am a mother to a 4 year old and I can't help but think everyday of my life that whoever coined the terms 'terrible twos', 'troublesome threes', 'fearsome fours' and beyond knew exactly what they were talking about :) And needless to say, I dread the 'frightening fives' lurking around the corner.
Here's what I feel. A mother's job is the toughest because unlike any other job, mommies cannot give up. Mommies cannot give up and mommies cannot screw up. We do not get a second chance. We cannot go back and fix 'it'. Ever. We cannot undo whatever's been done. And when I look at all the people I have met and known in my life, there are really very few I would wish my kid to be like. There are frighteningly few that I think of as well-balanced, sensible human beings. That in itself is a challenge. To bring up a well-balanced, sensible, good human being :) Those hand-full of people have had me set my standards way up there and I am struggling to get there.
But, what makes the job tougher, more challenging are the people around you. Your family. Your friends. Other mommies. Society in general.
Here's what I believe. Contrary to what most people say, mommies don't instinctively know what to do unless it is a question of survival. But for everything other than survival, gone are the days when society had faith in a mother's instinct. We humans have come a long ways from there. We know too much. We want too much. We think too much. We worry too much. We analyse too much. We have disconnected from nature too much. And, society, very conveniently, left mommies out of the deal. I say, if mothers are expected to know everything about bringing up kids, fathers should be expected to go out into the jungle and hunt for food the good old way.
I hate it that society puts me up on a pedestal, says,"Oh! Don't worry. It will all come naturally to you. Just follow your instincts", and assumes the right to judge me every minute of the day. I hate it that I am not allowed to be human anymore. I am not allowed to get stressed, frustrated, sad, angry, or clueless about anything pertaining to my child.
How do i follow my instincts in today's world? What are instincts anyway? I don't think I have many left. My instincts are obscured by the information I am fed on a daily basis about bringing up kids. My instincts are lost in the deafening babel of voices telling me what to do and how to feel and how to react.
STOP IT people!! Just stop it! No matter what I say or do or feel, I love my daughter more than I love myself. None of you is ever going to be able to match up to me on that one. So, if you could please stay out of it, she and I can figure things out for ourselves. We might look lost at times, but don't worry! we will find our way.
Here's what I feel. A mother's job is the toughest because unlike any other job, mommies cannot give up. Mommies cannot give up and mommies cannot screw up. We do not get a second chance. We cannot go back and fix 'it'. Ever. We cannot undo whatever's been done. And when I look at all the people I have met and known in my life, there are really very few I would wish my kid to be like. There are frighteningly few that I think of as well-balanced, sensible human beings. That in itself is a challenge. To bring up a well-balanced, sensible, good human being :) Those hand-full of people have had me set my standards way up there and I am struggling to get there.
But, what makes the job tougher, more challenging are the people around you. Your family. Your friends. Other mommies. Society in general.
Here's what I believe. Contrary to what most people say, mommies don't instinctively know what to do unless it is a question of survival. But for everything other than survival, gone are the days when society had faith in a mother's instinct. We humans have come a long ways from there. We know too much. We want too much. We think too much. We worry too much. We analyse too much. We have disconnected from nature too much. And, society, very conveniently, left mommies out of the deal. I say, if mothers are expected to know everything about bringing up kids, fathers should be expected to go out into the jungle and hunt for food the good old way.
I hate it that society puts me up on a pedestal, says,"Oh! Don't worry. It will all come naturally to you. Just follow your instincts", and assumes the right to judge me every minute of the day. I hate it that I am not allowed to be human anymore. I am not allowed to get stressed, frustrated, sad, angry, or clueless about anything pertaining to my child.
How do i follow my instincts in today's world? What are instincts anyway? I don't think I have many left. My instincts are obscured by the information I am fed on a daily basis about bringing up kids. My instincts are lost in the deafening babel of voices telling me what to do and how to feel and how to react.
STOP IT people!! Just stop it! No matter what I say or do or feel, I love my daughter more than I love myself. None of you is ever going to be able to match up to me on that one. So, if you could please stay out of it, she and I can figure things out for ourselves. We might look lost at times, but don't worry! we will find our way.
Monday, October 19, 2009
H+M=D
Yay!! We did it! We are both still alive. Neither of us stabbed or poisoned the other. Neither of us are in jail. Our daughter is not up for adoption. And that's a great achievement. Believe me when I say, this is not how bright and promising things looked about a week or so ago.
I am sure you are dying to know what exactly happened a week ago. Well...we moved. Yeah! Our lease ended and we moved to another house 15 minutes away. At this point if you are asking,"So?" then you don't have the faintest idea of what 'H+M=D' means. In fact go on and add a baby h to the equation. Let's make it [H+h]+M=dD as in double Disaster. Now for those of you who still don't get it, let me explain. I am a hoarder (H) and my 4 year old has, let's say, taken after me (h). Life's great. We hoard to our heart's content everything we lay our eyes on and we do art projects together. Ok! we think of art projects together which we almost never end up doing (almost being a very important keyword here). And we have a great time collecting fall leaves and pebbles and shells and all kinds of wonderful things and dreaming. And then comes along Mr. Minimalist (M) and discovers all our secret stash. Now, he might think it's all junk but we all know he can't do anything but code!! People like Mr. M have no clue what they are talking about. And we don't, as a rule, listen to people who can do nothing but code. So, anyway H and h did the only logical thing they could do (this was one of the rare ocassions when H and h were trying their hand at 'logic'). They ignored M and packed all their treasures for their future art projects. Now came the time to load all those priceless treasures into the car and the man of the house was hailed. Unfortunately, the man and M are the same person. Believe it or not, this time around he actually mustered up enough courage to call our stuff JUNK!!!! Can you believe that? That was it. I wasn't about to take anymore of these wicked comments from the coder. At this point there could have been a war like scenario if it were not for me and my presense of mind :) The most important thing that M seemed to have overlooked and what I took advantage of is that I am a woman. I have mastered the art of producing tears. I know exactly when, how, where, and how much. And I did just that. What can I say? I hate to toot my horn but I am smart and I won!
I am sure you are dying to know what exactly happened a week ago. Well...we moved. Yeah! Our lease ended and we moved to another house 15 minutes away. At this point if you are asking,"So?" then you don't have the faintest idea of what 'H+M=D' means. In fact go on and add a baby h to the equation. Let's make it [H+h]+M=dD as in double Disaster. Now for those of you who still don't get it, let me explain. I am a hoarder (H) and my 4 year old has, let's say, taken after me (h). Life's great. We hoard to our heart's content everything we lay our eyes on and we do art projects together. Ok! we think of art projects together which we almost never end up doing (almost being a very important keyword here). And we have a great time collecting fall leaves and pebbles and shells and all kinds of wonderful things and dreaming. And then comes along Mr. Minimalist (M) and discovers all our secret stash. Now, he might think it's all junk but we all know he can't do anything but code!! People like Mr. M have no clue what they are talking about. And we don't, as a rule, listen to people who can do nothing but code. So, anyway H and h did the only logical thing they could do (this was one of the rare ocassions when H and h were trying their hand at 'logic'). They ignored M and packed all their treasures for their future art projects. Now came the time to load all those priceless treasures into the car and the man of the house was hailed. Unfortunately, the man and M are the same person. Believe it or not, this time around he actually mustered up enough courage to call our stuff JUNK!!!! Can you believe that? That was it. I wasn't about to take anymore of these wicked comments from the coder. At this point there could have been a war like scenario if it were not for me and my presense of mind :) The most important thing that M seemed to have overlooked and what I took advantage of is that I am a woman. I have mastered the art of producing tears. I know exactly when, how, where, and how much. And I did just that. What can I say? I hate to toot my horn but I am smart and I won!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
And people get married because.....
I can't imagine why on earth anybody ever gets married? And I definitely can't imagine why on earth parents get so worried if their kids don't get married 'on time'!!
What do you do if, after six and a half years of being married, you realize that you are married to the wrong guy? Not a bad guy. Just the wrong one. Not that you have a right one in mind. But you just know that this is not working. This is not what you wanted. This is not what you signed up for. This is not how you want to live the rest of your life.
One is a minimalist. The other a hoarder. The minimalist is also a loner. The hoarder hoards friends too. The loner is a rational human being. The hoarder a sentimental romantic. The rational one believes strongly in the benefits of being selfish (a philosophy he claims to have gotten from Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged). The sentimental romantic also happens to be a fool that has her worthless little life revolving around her family (unfortunately for her and fortunately for her better half, she hasn't read that book yet!). The selfish one wants to live the life of a bachelor (but I really don't think he knows what he's wishing for!). The fool would love that but truly believes that's not the way it works (for example, does she still have to cook for the bachelor? or wash his clothes? If so, shouldn't she get paid for housekeeping and chauffeuring and for running errands? Because I don't think she would have done all of this and more for free if she was single ;)).
Now some may believe that a 2-way compromise might work. But, the bachelor does not believe he has to compromise on anything just because he got married. Then what do you do? Accept things the way they are and live on. Or find your own life and live it?
Monday, July 27, 2009
I am a housewife...
Not a homemaker or a full-time mom but the good old housewife. I stay at home and do what my grandma and my mom did and I don't feel the need to justify my choice with euphemisms. No, I do not feel less than other women who work. I do not feel greater than them either. Only blessed for not having the compulsion to prove my worth through the bucks I make. Over the 6 years of my married life, I have heard umpteen reasons why I should work. It will give you Independence (from what?), you will not feel worthless (I don't anyway), you will get to make friends (I still can), every woman should have a job (and that would be because...??), it feels good to have your own money (I'm married and hence there will never be any 'my' money), your kids will feel proud of you (so, your job is directly proportionate to how much your kids love you? really? hmmm...interesting!!), you will not lose your individuality (you really ought to look up the meaning of that word in the dictionary if you think it has anything to do with a job...), you will be respected more if you have a job and are financially independent (again, don't agree. I know well educated working women ill-treated by their family and believe it or not, they put up with it), how can you live off your husband's money (now you gotta be kidding me!!)
Interestingly enough, never has a woman ever told me that she works because she likes to. Because she wants to. Just for the heck of it. Not for the independence , not for the money, not for the 'respect', not to fit in, but just like that.
And that's what I want. To work for the heck of it. Like travelling around the world. Or going camel back through the desert. Or, being a housewife. Or watching your kids grow. Or painting. Each of these rides will sure be bumpy and there will be times when you wonder why. But you go on because you want to. Not because you have to.
Interestingly enough, never has a woman ever told me that she works because she likes to. Because she wants to. Just for the heck of it. Not for the independence , not for the money, not for the 'respect', not to fit in, but just like that.
And that's what I want. To work for the heck of it. Like travelling around the world. Or going camel back through the desert. Or, being a housewife. Or watching your kids grow. Or painting. Each of these rides will sure be bumpy and there will be times when you wonder why. But you go on because you want to. Not because you have to.
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