I Give and I Take...

I am fickle minded! There! I have admitted it (for the nth time). Not only have I admitted it but also that the evidence follows...

The best time of my day (which also happens to be one of the worst) is when I see minime walk away with her teacher. And then to watch him disappear through those double doors (at work)...It's like a double bonus. But again, like I said, these are also the two most emotional moments of my day (amongst the 73 others). There are days when I feel a knot in my stomach. No! I am not kidding you. I am serious. In fact there are even days when I could have had tears well up in my eyes as I watched them go. Ok Fine! I told you I am 'that' kind of a person. But then, I always find some consolation in the fact that when I get back home, I will be alone and there shall be peace and I shall be, let's say, free.

So what if I make the wrong choices everyday, over and over again? So what if I spend approximately 90% of that 'free' time doing things I hate? So what if all I can think about in those few hours of sweet sweet freedom are dirty dishes and dirty clothes and untidy house and messy kitchen and the thing I hate the most...cooking?

Sometimes I think about it and I wonder what my life is worth? What have I done? What am I doing?  Was this the right thing to do? Staying at home, without a job, being a full-time mother and a housewife? I think and I ponder and I wonder but I can never find peace in my answer. I am always of two minds. All I know is that my child likes it and my husband likes it. He says it makes his life better in some (my guess is, twisted) way. But is that all I want to do? Keep giving up on most of the things I love because I either don't have the time or the energy or both for myself? So, every once in a while I decide to do something fun with my life. Chase a dream to the end. Flow with the passion. Needless to say, every time the passion is about something new. Something as random as can be. And everytime, every single time, they have only stood by me and cheered me on. And then, I know why I do it. In a flash, all those wrong choices become right. Because life is all about give and take. I am pretty sure I take just as much as, if not more than, I give. Even so, every single time I have had the intrinsic urge to hop, they have hopped with me. Tirelessly. No questions asked. No complaints lodged. Just pure, relentless, obsessive hopping.