Peace

From what I have learnt over the past 4 and a 1/2 years, true inner peace comes in two flavours. One when something wonderful happens and the other when something awful ends. Seems pretty obvious huh? Now I might sound like an idiot, but it wasn't all that obvious to me until a few days back. A few days back, something happened and I started to think. I know there's nothing new about that. But this time something came out of it. I learnt something about myself. Don't ask me what b'coz I don't have a clue!! And if at this point you are nearly in tears feeling sorry for that poor man who married me almost 7 years ago, go ahead and shed those tears. It is totally worth it and I am with you all the way.

Coming back to the 'something' that happened, a few days back I was cooking and it suddenly dawned upon me that I was actually liking it. Now, hate is a strong word but I am still going to go ahead and use it. I hate cooking!! But on this particular day I was actually kind of liking it. And then suddenly I realised that I was at peace. I had to find out why and almost instinctively I knew I would find the answer if I peeked into my daughter's room. I saw father and daughter snuggled up together in her little kiddie bed reading a book.

And that minute I knew that my life was beautiful. Way more beautiful that I believed it to be. I had found my answer. I was at peace because for once I wasn't tripping on pencils and crayons in the kitchen. For once my recipes and the likes weren't falling off my fridge door because somebody decided to steal all my magnets to make pretend coffee. For once my life wasn't filled with noise from netflix or youtube.  For once there wasn't a voice, already starting to complain about the food even before I was done with the cooking.

I knew then that this was as peaceful as my life will ever get. Kind of like the feeling I get when I return home after dropping these two loves of my life at school and work. Like a refugee returning home after the war has ended and peace has returned.

Them or Us?

5 years ago many people told me that a kid would change my life. Life as I know it will cease to exist. Honestly, I just didn't get it. I don't know if it was the bulging tummy or the hormones playing a trick on me but I simply refused to believe that. I knew life would change. But I didn't think it would be that extreme.  Now I not only know they were right, but also that they were being kind. 

Many a time I feel like I am being controlled by this alien creature that has somehow planted a chip in my head with which it can manipulate me and monitor and control every thought process. I am sure it happened when I zonked out in the labour room minutes before Minime arrived. How else is it possible that the most self centered thoughts, within a matter of seconds, become about Minime? Like this one: "This yarn will be perfect for my scarf...or the handbag she asked me to knit her". Or this one: " I want those blueberry muffins RIGHT NOW...actually let me save them for her".  The tragedy is not that I think about her all the time. The tragedy is that I think about her even when there's 4 box fulls of yarn. The tragedy is that I feel the same way about each and every skein of yarn in those boxes. The tragedy is that I think that way even when there are about 50 muffins left and I want to have just a couple. What is it with mommies? Do we really think 48 muffins are not going to be enough for a 4 year old or that she would want to own 700 thousand handbags? That's why I say, it's not them. It's us and the chip.

Birthdays...

This morning I heard a strange noise which I thought was in my dreams. By the time I came to the realisation that it was for real, it had morphed into crying and a desperate call for Amma.  I ran to Minime's room, sure that she had had a nightmare about monsters.  I asked her what was wrong (I didn't want to put the idea of a nightmare in her head, just in case that wasn't it.) How proud I was when she said she had a 'bad dream'. I felt like a good mother. I was able to tell from the pattern of her cry what she was going through. But greed got the better of me. I wanted more. So, I asked the next question. "What did you see kanna?".  "Somebody was having a birthday", came the reply.  I deserved it. There was no way I would have guessed that!! And with that I hastily climbed down from up where I was and had my feet firmly planted on the ground.

Turns out it's not only my birthday that's an issue. Minime hates birthdays in general. OK. Maybe not all birthdays. But definitey all adult birthdays. She simply hates grown ups having birthdays. It gives her nightmares. Why? No one knows. And I am not sure anybody ever will. 

Kids fascinate me

After having been a full-time mom for 4 1/2 years, this is my first step towards considering building a career. The point where the clouds part just a teeny bit and a single beam of  light shines through. I think I finally know what I want to do with my life. I am sure I have said this about 27.75 times before in the 28 years of my life but this is it.  What do you mean," How do you say something .75 times?".  By stopping 3/4 of the way through the sentence! And now, if you are done interrupting me with your silly questions, may we please get back to the point? Like I said, I just discovered that kids fascinate me. And how does a simple thought like "Wow! these little extra terrestrial creatures are fascinating" translate to 'considering building a career'?

Well...I have been wanting to work for a while now. For the simple reason that I want to. Probably because MiniMe is grown up now. Define grown-up? She's been around for 4 1/2 years. That's grown-up enough for her. So, she needs less of my time and I have too much time on hand. Moreover I am a people person. I am happy on my own but I do need my daily dose of human contact to stay sane. And from what I hear, kids are human too. I know! That sure did come as a surprise.

So, I started volunteering at the local public school. I work with kindergarteners. Around the same time, my daughter's Montessori teacher gave me a class tour. And as you already know, I love psychology. All of this in combination with the cutest things that kids say every once in while led me to this revelation that I actually love these Lilliputian alien type thingies that are actually humans.   They are cute. They are fun. And they are not scared of making mistakes. They say things like,"Round and round the garden like a teddy bear. 1 step. 2 step. Tickle your underwear!!!" with the kind of confidence that would blow your mind! It is only with these creatures that we can have conversations like:
MiniMe: I don't like this car!
Me: Why?
MiniMe: Because the front seats move.
Me: But, they move in all cars.
MiniMe: Oh! Mother Nature made all the cars with seats that move?

Girls!

Girls like dressing up. Most of them. No matter where they are born, or where they grow up. At some point in their life, and that point comes around surprisingly early on in life, they want to wear mommy's makeup and mommy's clothes and mommy's shoes (they always pick the high heels) .  I wonder why. Why is it that we are born programmed to want to dress up? I know girls who don't want to. But they are an alarmingly small group. Look at mini me. I remember secretly dressing up in my mum's pretty sarees and talking to myself in the mirror. Mini me has no sarees to wear but she's doing pretty well with my dupattahs.  

I even see her talking to herself all the time. Just like me. And then I realised that she will never ever be bored in life. Like my sister-in-law pointed out...I am a "DREAMER".  That's what she told me. In quotes, all caps, and bold with an underline. And I am blessed. Because, I dream. And so does my little one.

And I know that boys are hardwired too. My 2 1/2 year old nephew sees the Zoobi Doobi song  from 3 Idiots and goes," Mommy! I like that orange aunty a lot." You guessed right! The 'orange aunty' is the lead actress dancing in the rain in an orange saree :) And my 3 year old neighbour (he was 3 about 15 years ago) came back from his first day at preschool and the only thing that he seemed super happy and excited about was his 'ladki' teacher!! Talk about being born with a one track mind.